~My Return to Poker, 9 Months Sober, and Back to the W.S.O.P.~

So much has happened since I last checked in with you guys through my blog.  I have been waiting a long time and I'm excited to have the time to sit down and write this post. I hope that I articulate correctly how amazing my life is now that I am sober.  In this post I'm going to cover three pretty big topics.  My return to poker after my 6 month break, my progress in my sobriety today, and my upcoming summer at the World Series of Poker.



        Coming back into the poker scene after a 6 month lay off was something that I honestly was a little bit apprehensive about.  I had succeeded in growing and remaining sober for six months, and I was pretty comfortable in my little bubble at home.  I didn't know how easy it was going to be to apply these practices based in spirituality and sobriety in such a chaotic and negative environment.  The stress level in tournament poker is astronomical at times, and I had been living a pretty stress free existence.  The first stop on the tour was at The Borgata for the Winter Poker Open, which is still one of my favorite series of the year.  Tab and his staff run an amazing poker program there, and I make every open at that venue that I'm available to.  I was excited for my return.  I thought with a new positive mindset I could really plug a few leaks in my game and  I felt I was going to succeed.  The first event drew an astonishing number as usual, and when all was said and done, first place in this $560 reentry event was well over $300,000.  It wouldn't be a bad one to win.  I made a deep run in that first event back, and ended up taking a bad beat deep to bust. I was pretty amazed at the fact that no matter what the deck brought to me, I wasn't getting tilted, and it wasn't affecting my play.  When the horrendous player who busted me went to shake my hand after he smashed a 2 outer on the river on me, I shook his hand.  I said good game and good luck, and walked out smiling.  That's a miracle right off the bat for me.  Seven months ago I was berating players whenever they put a beat on me.  The series basically went on like that and I ended up having zero final tables and a few min cashes for my big return back.  But I was enjoying the game again and happy with the way I was playing, and left feeling as if the trip was a success.

When the Borgata W.P.T. main came around, I had almost forgotten that I had won a bracelet last summer and that I would be a notable player because of it. Most of the people who came up to me to say any congratulations didn't refer to me having won the National Championship.  Most people who approached me did so because of this blog.  I got alot of congrats on sobriety and an amazing response in regard to how my blog has helped others. Several players said there was a noticed difference in my demeanor and attitude.  I was lucky enough to be asked to do an interview with Jeanine Deeb about it for W.P.T. on day one of the main event.  You can check out the interview on the link below.  It was pretty cool to be doing a W.P.T. interview. It was an interesting adjustment to make for me to be a notable player in a WPT event.

Check out my WPT Interview HERE


The next stop for me was to head out west to L.A. where I was going to play my first LA Poker Classic series.  I had always heard that Matt Savage ran amazing tournaments and that his staff was on point.  Based on how the World Series is run, this was great news to me.  I don't buy into a lot of $10k events.  My average buy in is far below that, and I was excited to play this event for the first time.  I had heard it was a huge event, one of the most prestigious $10k events of the year, and I wanted to do well in it.  I got out west in time to play a few of the prelim events.  I got to meet Matt Savage for the first time, and I must say he runs one of the best shows in the poker world.  I was very impressed with his staff and Matt himself in their professionalism and desire to do their jobs the correct way.  I will continue to participate in any Matt Savage run events in the future that I am able to make it to.  Everyone has been excellent.

I feel I played one of the best series of my career this year at my first LAPC.  I made several deep runs in 1k Pre-lims, Including a final table experience with an interesting cast.  I found myself at a final table in one of the later 1k events with several familiar faces, and one person that we've gotten to know pretty well, Amanda Musumeci.  Savage was there to crack jokes and lighten the mood and everyone had a fun time at the final table.  Amanda, our good buddy Chris Tryba, and myself busted 5th 4th and 3rd respectively and chatted as we cashed out.  Amanda has always been an amazing support.  We keep in close touch and she's been one of the most motivating factors in my life even now.  She was happy to see that I was playing well and feeling clear headed and positive.

I'm grateful that someone like this has come into my life to always help guide me with my best interest at heart.  She's been through a-lot with me and continues to lend her support, and I commend her for her loyalty her huge heart.








On to the main event at LAPC we went, and I have to say, I haven't been that excited to play an event in a while.  I really wanted to make a deep run in this one, because long deep structures really suit my game, and I feel I have an edge on the fields in most of those types of events.  The event drew massive numbers and I ended up making a pretty deep run in the main event.  It was over a million dollar first prize and drew over 500 entrants.  I won a chip lead flip against Lauren Kling late on day 3 going into the money bubble and I really felt that I was going to make an extremely deep run.  I had a very tough draw to start that day but I played the bubble well and accumulated a great stack going into the end of the night.

As Matt Savage announced that we were in the money after a 2 hour long bubble of hand for hand play, I was mid-hand with A9ss on a 9942 board.  My opponent, who was very aware of the $20,000 bubble, and was playing accordingly, hears the announcement and moves all of his chips into the middle. I call, and he tables JJ for two pair, and rivers a J for an above average stack going into day 4.  I was pretty disappointed at how the night ended, but was grateful for the opportunity I still had in front of me.  I didn't whine or complain about losing that hand as I once would have.  I just wanted to refocus and play my 30 Blind stack well the next day.

I wound up busting somewhere near the final table semi-deep in the money and was very disappointed with my finish.  For a moment I let some self pity and negativity come over me and I failed to find anything to be happy about.  Where this thought process of negativity would have lasted for days some months back, I came out of it in 45 minutes and was happy about where I was in my life.  I knew I had played well and that was all I could do.  I lost a prop bet to Galen Hall, (who is a riot by the way) so I had to walk back into the tourney area to give him his $100 as I cashed out.  That still isn't a fun experience, and I don't ever advise walking into a main event you just busted and being a spectator.  I watched for a few minutes and left.  

The next day I final tabled another 1k Turbo Bounty post lim event and made some more profit for the trip, and left for Bay 101 with a very profitable trip for myself and my investors.  So far, so good on the return to poker.  I had about 7 months sober and was playing and thinking well and positively. My positive mindset was really helping my game at this point.

I won't spend a lot of time talking about my Bay 101 trip, because I did not play my best, and I was not pleased with my performance.  I played both day 1's and didn't make a day 2.  I never really got traction, and drew tough tables in what I was told was one of the softest stops on the W.P.T. tour.  My first starting table had over 35 Million in live earnings on it.  Wasn't exactly as soft as advertised.  I hung in for a while, but made some mistakes late on day 1a and busted both barrels.

Here's where my life is so different in so many ways these days.  Instead being completely miserable about the fact that I played poorly and I wasn't in the event anymore, I thought positively about it, as if I had a day off from my job, and I wanted it to be productive. Many times I don't get to stop and think about exactly how lucky I am in my life.  I have made so many terrible decisions over the years and am just now trying to rectify them, and I am blessed every day with so many gifts.  Sobriety has given me the ability to really experience life in ways that I never did before.

For a long time now, Amanda and I have had this die hard fan named Tony Cortez.  Tony has been supportive of both of us and is always commenting on our facebooks and rooting us on.  If ever a nay sayer comes on either of our pages, Tony is always there to try to steer the conversation back into a positive direction.  He has a good heart and has always been kind and supportive.  It so happened that things didn't work out for Amanda either and we had both busted the Bay 101 Main event on day 1.  Tony had been saying for months how he was coming to Bay 101 to meet us and to get autographs, take pictures etc with Amanda and myself.  He couldn't make it down from San Fransisco that day, and was planning on coming day 2 but neither of us would be there. He was pretty disappointed that he wasn't going to meet us.  I called Amanda and half jokingly suggested that we go take a drive to San Fran from San Jose and take Tony to lunch. Amanda obviously thought it was an awesome idea so we hit tony up on Facebook, got his number and met him at a diner for lunch in his home city of San Fransisco.  It was awesome to make someone's day like that, and he was as always a gentleman.  It was awesome meeting you Tony! Amanda got some awesome pics of the drive as usual as well. :)

While all of this poker stuff is going on, I'm trying to keep connected to my network and make meetings on the road. This is definitely easier said than done.  The scheduling is hard and in LA for example, traffic is a disaster and it's very hard to get around to meetings.  I took this time to try to expand spiritually and began reading some books on meditation and zen.  I find these topics extremely interesting and I am always learning more about mindset and about appreciating things as well as having gratitude.  I highly suggest any Zen readings, and if anyone is interested in the titles to some books, I would be happy to answer DMs about it.  I was worn out from being away from my network, and headed back to CT where I was going to play a few series at Foxwoods. Some time ago I had gotten banned from this venue due to my behavior while actively drinking. Thankfully, I was reinstated to Foxwoods, and couldn't wait to get up there to play.  The play is especially soft and I hadn't played a big event there in awhile.  The main event was a $2700 reentry with a deep slow structure.  I busted my first barrel playing like a maniac, which I do from time to time. I drew the same table on my reentry, and ran up a nice stack at the end of day 1. 

Here's the thing I'm really happy about though; the picture above was taken about 2 minutes after I took a disgusting beat with 5 minutes to go in day 1.  I wasn't upset or berating anyone.  As a matter of fact, I was smiling and laughing. The game of poker will drive you insane if you take it too seriously.  I've definitely been guilty of acting like individual events mean more than they do in reality. I try not to take things too hard anymore, and take the good with the bad.  

Life happens, and we only have a short time on this planet, so we should try our best to enjoy it and find the things in our lives that we have to be grateful for.  I have many things to choose from, as I'm very blessed.  A poker hand should never make me lose perspective on that again.  I do have shortcomings still, and still have setbacks at times, which I'll describe later.  At this point, however, I was in a great emotional and mental space.  I was bringing my spirituality into poker, and that was working well for me.  I ended up taking second place in the event to Justin Schwartz, who played excellently and deserved to win the title.  I took home 70k for my efforts and my investors and myself enjoyed another profitable series. 

  I had to be close to home in recent months as I've had to aid in some family issues, and recovery related issues before I leave for the World Series.  My Dad has been sick, which I'll get to in a later post, and I have had people very close to me effected horribly by the effects of alcoholism and drug addiction.  I'm so grateful that I have recovery in my life and that many of my loved ones have made the decision to get and stay sober.  Alcoholism and Drug addiction kills not only people but relationships as well, and for the most part, my relationships are mending themselves at this point.  I'm blessed that is the case for me.  I think I'll keep going with this not drinking thing ;)  

I played some of the Foxwoods WSOPC events, and ended up having to leave before the Main.  I didn't have much success at that series before leaving and was undecided as to whether or not I would play the Borgata Spring Open series.  I ended up playing several of those events, and having a dismal series including a 4 barrel Main event showing where I ran horrendously and didn't make day two on 4 buy-ins.  Once again, I tried to remain positive and bought myself into the last post-lim on the schedule for $200 on my own dime and won the event for 32k and a Borgata Trophy.  :)  The old Ryan would have never gotten out of bed to play that post-lim event, because he would have been bemoaning the fact that he had busted the main.  Good things come to us if we seek them. :)

I don't want there to be anyone out there to think that I have this down perfectly.  I, in no way shape or form, have perfected this mindset stuff.  I'm just breaking the surface of practicing a spiritual way of life, and I fall short a lot.  Here's a story that you probably won't hear about the event I won, but I feel the need to be honest about it.

  As people busted from the main event, this post lim event got bigger than expected.  The field drew 900 entrants and by the time we were down to 2 tables, average stack was about 20 big blinds.  I had a massive chip lead and only one person had near the amount I had.  Blinds were 50k 100k and I had 4.7 million.  With 12 left, a player limped for 100k under the gun.  The only other big stack in the event isolated him to 350k with a 3.5million chip stack.  I look down at AKcc in the cutoff and move all in.  The under the gun limper calls off 1.5 million, and the big stack thinks for 20 seconds and calls with 77 and holds.  This guy basically tried to commit ICM suicide and instead cripples me with 12 left.

  I have to admit I lost my temper a bit, and berated the poor guy for a few moments.  The floor gave me an orbit penalty and I had 10 blinds left.  We reached the final table as I was on penalty (Pay jumps :) ) and I took my seat at the final table.  I was informed I was still on a penalty for 3 more hands, and I calmly walked away from the table.  When I came back I apologized to the gentleman genuinely and he accepted with no hard feelings.  My friends on the rail helped talk me back into a good place, and for once in my life I humbled myself and said I was sorry. 

 I went on to come back from 6 big blinds and win that final table, Ironically winning the heads up battle with the gentleman I had berated earlier on.  As we walked away we were laughing and joking instead of me being ejected from the tourney.  It's a funny story, but the fact is I still slip up.  And that little outburst could have cost me the event.  The difference is that today I'm learning from it and willing to grow and that's amazing by itself.

Life has never been better.  I still have a lot of work to do but I have plans to live a sober lifestyle for the summer.  I'm going to continue pursuing spirituality and am going to continue to stay sober.  I can't talk about A.A. much in these blogs because of the traditions of the program but I will say that the people in it and the program itself has changed my life.  If I can recover anyone can.  I will continue to try to reach out to people and am always open to talk about sobriety via FB or in person.

I look forward to blogging updates from the WSOP this year.  I'm playing a full schedule and my package just sold out so I will see you all in Vegas this year!   I hope everyone stays safe and happy until then. :)